So, because I no longer wish to be a useless turd, I've been looking into schooling. Turns out that through Athabasca University, I'd be able to get my BofArts, with a concentration in psychology (which I can upgrade to a major afterward), all from the comfort of my own home. Which is good, because my own comfortable home is about 300 kilometers from any real institution. I realize it's not the most reputable school, but it's feasible and that's a nice change from "freakin' out of the question".

The only issue is that after this three years, I will have spent almost $20,000 and frankly, I don't have $20 at the moment. I'm considering speaking to my (totally loaded) father, but with him already agreeing to put his (third) wife's kid through college, who knows? This fact is a major point of contention for me for a lot of reasons. First, these aren't his kids, they're the kids of the woman he's railing (married to, whatever) and I have sprung from his very loins. I realize I might sound like a petty, selfish asshole here, but I'm really bitter that these kids are benefiting from my father's new employment situation and are receiving innumerable things that a) Shannon and I never had the opportunity to receive, and b) we could both really fucking use. For example, Shannon and her fiance don't have a car and being that they're about to have a child, they could really use one. Carla's (Dad's wife) children are both receiving a vehicle. I am fully aware that as my parents were in the military, this wasn't an option for us, and now we're "all grown up", but to see other children receive what I feel that we should be receiving, is disheartening, embittering, and all-around infuriating. I feel like my life would have been much different, had we gotten the opportunities these kids are getting, and it makes me angry.

Further complicating matters is the fact that my father completely checked out for almost five years and only recently has come back into our lives at all. And don't get me wrong - he helps us both out a lot when we need it - just not to the same extent. I almost feel like he should be making up for the past, and the materialistic part of me wants it in the form of a university education. I do like having him in my life in any context, but I am growing more and more bitter and angry every day. I don't know how to broach it without coming off a twat, but it's eating me up a little bit.

Gugh.