So, because I no longer wish to be a useless turd, I've been looking into schooling. Turns out that through Athabasca University, I'd be able to get my BofArts, with a concentration in psychology (which I can upgrade to a major afterward), all from the comfort of my own home. Which is good, because my own comfortable home is about 300 kilometers from any real institution. I realize it's not the most reputable school, but it's feasible and that's a nice change from "freakin' out of the question".

The only issue is that after this three years, I will have spent almost $20,000 and frankly, I don't have $20 at the moment. I'm considering speaking to my (totally loaded) father, but with him already agreeing to put his (third) wife's kid through college, who knows? This fact is a major point of contention for me for a lot of reasons. First, these aren't his kids, they're the kids of the woman he's railing (married to, whatever) and I have sprung from his very loins. I realize I might sound like a petty, selfish asshole here, but I'm really bitter that these kids are benefiting from my father's new employment situation and are receiving innumerable things that a) Shannon and I never had the opportunity to receive, and b) we could both really fucking use. For example, Shannon and her fiance don't have a car and being that they're about to have a child, they could really use one. Carla's (Dad's wife) children are both receiving a vehicle. I am fully aware that as my parents were in the military, this wasn't an option for us, and now we're "all grown up", but to see other children receive what I feel that we should be receiving, is disheartening, embittering, and all-around infuriating. I feel like my life would have been much different, had we gotten the opportunities these kids are getting, and it makes me angry.

Further complicating matters is the fact that my father completely checked out for almost five years and only recently has come back into our lives at all. And don't get me wrong - he helps us both out a lot when we need it - just not to the same extent. I almost feel like he should be making up for the past, and the materialistic part of me wants it in the form of a university education. I do like having him in my life in any context, but I am growing more and more bitter and angry every day. I don't know how to broach it without coming off a twat, but it's eating me up a little bit.

Gugh.

I study about five hours a day, trying to cram as much tax prep regulation crap into my head as I possibly can so that I can get crack-a-lackin' on my job. Five hours may not seem like much, but let's see you stare at government forms and learn what all those convoluted little footnotes mean for that long!

In spite of what basically amounts to Gitmo-level torture (pre-Obama), this whole thing has made me want to go back to school (except with way less smoking in the alley during English class this time). My brain is being used for more than Dave Eggers novels and figuring out what gets dog pee out of fabric and I like it!

Does anyone want to give me a few G's, though, because filing for bankruptcy is another recent hobby of mine.

Life: Epic Fail!!111111!! LOLOL

Some of you may not know this, but in high school, my best friend Sara and I published a 'zine called Crunchy Little Bits of Nothing (named after poppy seeds). It was startlingly popular with a surprisingly high readership (triple digits or something, motherfucker), considering it was just two 15-year-olds using Microsoft Word and a plethora of unattractive fonts (re: Smarties, but fortunately not the bleeding, spooky font) in 1998.

While we fell out for a while, Sara and I got back in touch and have been talking quite a lot, mostly during work hours. Recently, she emailed me a proposition:

We should look into the viability of creating some kind of magazine/weekly publication. Like, literally, in print. We could start small, or go straight for the big picture.

The thought had occurred to me before, but with a collaborator, it has now become a full-on plan. Rallying ideas on expenses, Sara and I have began a business plan. I think with our respective writing styles and Sara's business savvy and all-around smarts, we could produce something interesting and readable.

The elaborate dance known as "The Courting of the Advertisers" has been discussed, an incorporated name has been decided (Crunchy Bits, Inc. - har), and our target audience identified. We're on our way, and it's a relief to know that with Sara, it would not have been suggested, had it not been something she was ready to follow through on. My last foray into the publishing world ended abruptly when my partner found something shiny (something shiny being a cooter). I'm not too concerned about a repeat of this from Sara.

Writing is something I've always been interested in and encouraged to do, and with all this todo about the magazine and the contemplation regarding my future post-diagnosis, I have thought about going back to school for a diploma in journalism, accompanied by a hella load of courses in Visual Communications and Business. Could I do something like this for the rest of my life? Perhaps not, but I think it's a good start on the wonderful world of clog-stealing being an adult.